Lesson #21 -Try not to spread your germs

The subway is a pretty crowded place. Hundreds of people use it every day. To assume that it is not a germ magnet would just be plain ignorant. Naturally, you would think to be more careful when you are on the subway so as to not contribute to the already germ infested air, but no. There are those that think it is perfectly normal to sneeze and cough without covering their mouths. This is what kills me. 

The country went into synchronized cardiac arrest the minute the H1N1 virus was announced. People weren't using public transportation, the planes were half empty, face masks were being sold by the hundreds, pharmacies were running out of disinfectant gel and yet the most basic of all the preventative measures people could have taken and should continue to involves very minimal effort and costs zero dollars. Wait for it...wait for it. JUST COVER YOUR MOUTH! Yea, it's just that simple. Oh and try not to do it with the hand that you are then going to hold on to the railing with. In fact, try not to use your hands at all. Instead, turn your head a little to the side and sneeze or cough into your inner elbow. 

Sitting at the end of the cart on the Red Line, watching a fully grown man sneeze the combined content of his nose and mouth into the air, onto the floor and then finally, God bless his considerate sole, into his hands, I couldn't help but want to whip out my own container of disinfectant gel and pour out a three foot germ free circle around him. Instead, he got up and left, leaving his filth on the railing for a young woman to hold on to and rub off on herself. I just sat there hoping that whenever she got to where she was going, the first thing she would do was wash her hands. And I couldn't even tell her. Oh well...

So there you have lesson #21. Simply put, make your best effort not to add to the already germ infested air that circulates around the subway or you might end up being the reason that someone gets sick. 

Lesson #20- Don't pick your ring tone

Oh the ring tone! A new development in our day and age to really set anyone apart from anyone else - to bring out the uniqueness in everyone so to speak. Since I am all about being unique, you would think that I would have no problem with people having different ring tones and taking the time to pick them out. Well I did have a problem with a certain female sitting right next to me on the train last night. She was sorting through her ring tones, trying to pick her perfect one at FULL BLAST a mere inches away from my ear! It was midnight! On a train full of people! Who does that?

Did she really just not care? Did her total lack of awareness and disregard for human beings not bother anyone else? It sure looked that way, because I was the only one who seemed like I had a problem with her selfish self sitting there, clicking from one ring tone to another. And it's not like they were even good ones, which would still make it totally wrong, but would at least make it a little more bearable to sit through the next four stops. And it's not like the stars were aligned in my favor that night and she would get off at the next stop. No no. In fact, I was so lucky that night that when I got ready to get off at my stop, so did she. So, for four stops I heard ding ding ding, ring ring ring, jingle jangle etc etc ETC!!!

I don't even know what else to say, except that I hope I never have to experience that again. 

So there you have lesson #20. Simply put, have some general regard for the people around and refrain from picking your ring tone on the subway. 

Lesson #22- Don't forget to request a stop

When I first arrived to Boston, I wasn't entirely familiar with the subway system. Turns out, when you emerge from underground to the street level while traveling on the Green Line, you have to request each stop by pulling on a wire that hangs above the sitting areas, illuminating the "request stop" sign. If you don't, the train operator will assume that no one needs to get off at the stop and just keep going to the next one. Luckily, I didn't have to learn the hard way, since all my stops were highly trafficked and were always requested by numerous passengers. The lady traveling on my train last night wasn't quite as lucky. 

It's pretty easy to spot when someone is getting close to their stop.  They become more alert, start gathering their things, and make their way to the closest door. I should have known something was wrong when the alert, gathered woman started making her way to the closest doors and the "request stop" sign was not on. She was three doors away from the first one, the one closest to the operator. The train stopped at her stop only because the traffic light was red, but since the lady couldn't see that, she had assumed that the train was stopping at her stop. The doors did not open and... 

All of a sudden, I was at a baseball game. This was definitely the bottom of the ninth and she needed to get to home plate to win the game. The ball is sent flying up into the air and she takes off to second base. She has no time to see what's going on. Her focus is zoomed in on the third base coach, motioning for her to keep going. She picks up speed as she comes around the third base, home plate in sight. Gathering all the energy she has left, she flies towards home plate, making it just before the ball lands in the glove of the catcher, waiting there. SHE'S SAFE! THE GAME IS OVER! HER TEAM WINS!!! 

Let's rewind. What really happened was the doors she was standing in front of didn't open, she panicked, turned to the left and ran to the next one, and when that one didn't open, she ran to the next one until she ended up at the front of the train, head to head with the operator, who kindly opened the door for her and let her off the train just in time for the traffic light to turn green. Would have been way cooler to be at a baseball game, but, hey, this was almost just as good. 

So there you have lesson #22. Simply put, when the train is traveling on street level, don't forget to request a stop or you might end up going on to the next one.  

Lesson #19 - Close your mouth when chewing gum

I keep on making animal to human comparisons which may seem a little harsh, but it is just so hard when you see a human being behaving like one. There is just simply no other way to describe it other than by making an animal reference. 

A man chewing gum. I mean it was like watching a cow chew grass - the most horrendous sight ever might I add. Not only in what it looked like, but also in what it sounded like. Like when someone chews with their mouth open. Ugh, who wants to see that? Not me. It's almost like he woke up, rolled out of bed, got dressed, forgot to brush his teeth, got on the subway, popped in a piece of gum and proceeded to chew his morning breath away. I had never seen anything quite like it. The intensity with which this man chewed his gum would have had my jaw muscles in pain within seconds. This guys was at it for fifteen, maybe twenty minutes. 

And it's not like I wanted to watch, but I just couldn't help it. I mean did he really think that it was ok to behave like that or was he just so oblivious to the entire situation that he just didn't care? Either way, I was not exactly thrilled to be sitting across from him, listening to that smacking sound his gum was making. And to top it all off, all the saliva that was being produced as a result of the gum was now gathering itself at the side of his mouth, forming a frothy looking gunk that I was hoping he would wipe off with his sleeve. Of course that didn't happen, so I simply had to look away and try to block out the sound until it was time for me to get off. 

So there you have Lesson #19. Simply put, keep your mouth closed while chewing gum or you might resemble an animal to those around you. 

Lesson #18 - Don't yawn for everyone to see

Yawning - appropriate in the comfort of your home. Inappropriate on the subway, even though it may be six in the morning. And its not like it was one of those quiet, discreet ones where you cover mouth, excuse yourself and hope no one notices. No no. The gentleman pulled a full on lion's yawn. If you have ever been to a lion's cage at the zoo, you may know what I am talking about. 

You know, one of those full on, meaningful yawns that expose the entire inner mouth - I mean teeth, tonsils - and seems to last forever. Watching an animal yawn like that can be somewhat endearing, fascinating even, but a grown man...not so much. I'm glad I wasn't sitting across from him, because tonsils and teeth is not something I wanted to be exposed to that early in the morning. Even though I was a few seats away, the sound effects that accompanied the yawn could be heard throughout the entire cart. I just don't get it. What ever happened to covering your mouth and not showing everyone around just how tired you really are. 

First of all, you are not the only that is tired at six in the morning. Everyone is. And second of all, as we all know, yawning is contagious. The combination of the two results in an entire train full of people yawning one after another. By the time I got off that train at South Station, I was definitely ready to go back to sleep, not start my day. And on another quick note, not covering your mouth when you yawn is just plain rude, so do everyone a favor and cover it up. 

So there you have Lesson #18. Simply put, don't yawn big enough for everyone to see, or you might end up with a train full of sleepy passengers. 

Lesson #17- Don't do your make up

Ladies, the subway is not your bathroom or the equivalent of a vanity mirror! Please refrain from attempting the complicated procedure of applying make up when the train is moving (which is the majority of the time.) I say attempt because even if you have the steadiest hand, the train ride is not exactly a smooth one. Arguably, applying foundation is relatively simple. That would be alright if that is all girls these days limited themselves to. Unfortunately, eye liner and layers of mascara is the desired choice these days and whoever thinks that they are good enough to apply eye liner on a moving train, using one hand (since the other is holding a hand mirror) is wrong. Your face will not look well put together. Just read on while I describe what I observed on the Red Line the other day. 

Upon entering the train, I spotted the make up artist. There she was - make up bag out on the seat beside her, already applying the first of many layers of foundation. This is what kills me. Wouldn't it be easier to do all that at home, with good lighting and have less stuff to haul around. Or I don't know...perhaps this is some new way to attract attention. In any case, there she was, three layers of foundation down and it was time for the eye liner. Now any of you that have ever applied eye liner know how important is to keep steady. She was a smart cookie. She began applying it when the train would stop, but unfortunately that didn't quite give her enough time, so as she was half way through her second eye lid, the train started moving again causing her hand to shift, leaving an uneven line on her upper left eye lid. So what now missy?

To my utter surprise, she was totally ok with it. Wow! I would have definitely redone it. But no. Instead, she opted to apply mascara, half of which ended up right below her eyebrow. The funny thing is she took one look in the mirror, simply packed up her stuff, ran her hand through her hair, applied some chap stick and sat back feeling confident, sexy and ready. Too bad that she actually looked a lot better before she started the make up routine since half of it ended up in places where it shouldn't have. I hope that whoever she was meeting would point her in the direction of a mirror so she could fix the mess that was currently her face. 

So there you have lesson #17. Simply put, refrain from applying make up on the train or you might end up look like a mess.

Lesson #16-Know where you are going

You know, sometimes I find myself observing a situation and having a hard time believing that I am able to write about it in my blog. I mean some of these things should be common sense - especially this next one. I must say, times of the day play a big role in the caliber of people that choose to travel via subway. For the first time since moving to Boston, I took an 11 pm subway ride. I was expecting maybe some drunk people, maybe a more grungy type person, but smarts is not something I thought I would see a difference in. Now this is going to seem so simple that you are going to assume I am making this up. But I assure you, I am totally serious. Have you ever gotten on the train having no idea where it was you were going? I hope not. Well believe it or not, I was witnessing a girl that did just that. 

She was on the phone when she got on the train, which meant that she only had one free hand to search for her ticket and its not like she would have had the common sense to have it ready before she got on. No no no. Instead, the train stood immobile until princess retrieved her ticket and took her seat. She then proceeded to stay on her phone and give a detailed progress of her route - a stop by stop. Naturally, when the train disappeared under ground and her phone service shut off, I realized that she had no idea where she was going and whoever was on the other side of her phone conversation was talking her through it. 

Whatever happened to common sense? She got me. How about something like "Get off at _ stop. Call me when you get there." I mean its the subway!!! Relying on cell reception is like hoping for a good orgasm from a drunken one night stand. It's probably not going to happen. Well, this girl now chose to use the train operator as her tour guide, grilling him about every stop we were at. If I was him, I would have thrown her off the train. I mean at every stop, the train would not move until her questions about where exactly it is that we were were answered. Not fun when you are tired and irritated. Finally, after four one-minute stops, she got off, looking more lost than when she got on, got on her phone and headed for the exit. Thank God!

So there you have lesson #16. Simply put, just know what stop you are supposed to be getting off at.